December 24, 2011

Bigfoot saves Christmas! Children everywhere rejoice!

Famed cryptid steps in for alien abductee Santa Claus
(CP) Bella Coola, British Columbia
Bigfoot, speaking through representatives, has confirmed its intent to deliver presents to all the world's children tonight, Christmas Eve. Santa Claus, the traditional service provider, was last seen on Friday, being forcibly taken aboard an unidentified nonterrestrial craft.
According to sources, within hours of the kidnap, Santa's staff promptly executed an emergency "continuity of gifting" protocol and contacted the reclusive forest hominid. After a morning of negotiations with North Pole lawyers, Bigfoot issued a statement:
"It is a great honour and noble duty to step in for Santa Claus in this, his hour of need. I believe that my unique skill set of elusiveness, superhuman strength, and imperviousness to bionic men will allow me to fulfil the various duties set out heretofore in the many initialled and legally binding codicils."
When asked about the connection between the North American ape and the rotund Kringle, Bigfoot responded on his Ælfbook page: "As a sylvan creature myself, I know a lot of the elves. I have friended many and been friended in kind. In fact, a great many Keeblers I met on eHominid have flown up here to spend discreet weekends in my leafy bachelor-sized lean-to. I have nothing to hide."
The Santa-squatch has a loyal online following and is buoyed by the support. But it is also concerned that a firestorm of rumours will tarnish the holiday initiative.
"I have seen a lot of tweets that I am Beowulf and not Bigfoot," said the mythical primate on Twitter. "Totally wrong. Never been to Europe. Try google maps, dumbasses."
Bigfoot delivering presents to all the good children of the world. "The reindeer were delicious," said the cryptid through legal counsel. "And I apologise sincerely."  (digital photo processing by Carrie Duplessis)

December 23, 2011

Christmas cancelled! Santa Claus abducted by aliens!

More on this developing story tomorrow...

This unretouched photograph was taken at an unknown location on an unknown date by an anonymous child of indeterminate age with an extensive background in civilian and military aviation. So, way more credible than the Jerusalem UFO video.

November 6, 2011

Betty Hill on the CBC

November 21, 1978, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation featured famed alien abductee Betty Hill.

Betty Hill tells her story from her home

Betty Hill on the CBC game show Beyond Reason (filmed in Winnipeg)

Yes, children, that's a shirt collar covering Betty's shoulders.
(No cotton fibres were harmed in the making of this pantsuit.)

October 28, 2011

Mass Alien Abduction Experiment in Los Angeles

(PRWEB) October 26, 2011: Many were contacted by “aliens” during an experiment conducted by the OOBE Research Center at UCLA. It was the first experiment to ever prove that close encounters with UFOs and extraterrestrials are a product of the human mind.

Several sites have uncritically posted the "news" that alien abductions have been experimentally proven to be figments of the imagination. As seductive as that conclusion might be, there are several red flags that make me conclude this is not genuine scientific research.

There are zero pages on the UCLA cite that mention the OOBE Research Center or experiment author Michael Raduga.

Raduga has no scientific credentials or a university degree of any kind. In a forum he admits, "I had interrupted my education in university (law and managment) some years ago when started teaching people OBE. But I feel myself like a free scientist. And I use scientific view as much as posible. This is only right way to bring this field on new level.";wap2

Raduga has a booklet titled, “Conscious Evolution 2.0: What the Bible, Alien Abductions and Near-Death Experiences All Have in Common?” which is an excerpt from his 500-page book School of Out-of-Body Travel. The book has no bibliography — rather odd from an academic. The abduction info comes from the website UFO Casebook, not from original sources or even UFO reference books.

Raduga’s OOBE videos feature a scantily clad young lady in various alluring poses. (Apparently, funding constraints prevented the centre from buying bed sheets -- see screen cap below)

Finally, this experiment started only three weeks ago, yet the results are already being described as “proof,” despite not being published in a journal of any kind. (Michael Horn must be honourary chair of the OOBE Center.)

Standard-issue sleep-centre subject clothing. The same outfit can also be worn in pole-dancing class.

October 8, 2011

The plural of UFO is UFOs not UFO’s

I'm only going to say this once!

The Associated Press Stylebook (2002)
entry “plurals"
SINGLE LETTERS: Use 's: Mind your p’s and q’s.
MULTIPLE LETTERS: Add s: She knows her ABCs.

New Fowler's Modern English Usage, third edition (1996)
entry “plurals of nouns,” section 10
MAs, MPs, QCs, the sixties, the 1960s. But after letters an apostrophe is obligatory: dot your i’s, mind your p’s and q’s.

John Weldon, Zola Levitt, Encounters with UFO’s
(Harvest House Publishers, 1975)